Papagoya Story: Retold

Written by Yenamaboya

On a small, desolate jungle island named Ishbu, in the province of Picalladin, there exists a factory run solely by baboons. You may be wondering, “Who is in charge of this factory?” or “What kind of healthcare benefits do I receive after working for ten years there?” The answers to these questions, however, were once buried deep within the inner mantle of the Earth, where no man has ever ventured. Instead, small, furry island inhabitants, known as Protistas, dug their way to the mantle and stashed away the secret information. No baboon has ever ventured beneath the crust of the Earth, as digging for a baboon is a very arduous task. Therefore, no baboon has ever received healthcare benefits on the island of Picalladin.

The story of Picalladin and the research facilities there is shrouded in mystery. Many altercations have arisen over the years in pursuit of the truth, but because the story is regarded with such apathy, the disputes were often settled not long after their onset. The most popular story concerning the baboon employment in Picalladin involves a mystic baboon sage known only as Papagoya. When Papagoya was still a young baboon, he enjoyed running through the fields of agave-nectar-wheat in Moto-Huti on Wednesday afternoons. One fateful Wednesday, however, Papagoya tripped over a tortoise named Earl. Papagoya went crazy. Earl, in order to appease Papagoya, apologized and suggested that Papagoya sit and rest under a nearby lemon tree. Papagoya was skeptical at first, but soon discovered and enjoyed the many benefits of lemon trees and their pleasing protection from the luminous sun. Then it happened.

Earl was heard snickering a Canadian football field’s length away, as he flipped the “Do Not Flip This Switch” switch. Suddenly, the tree that Papagoya was resting under began to shake violently, and nearly thirty lemons fell upon his fragile body. The nearby baboons, amazed by Earl’s audacity, quickly dispersed. One group went and beat up the anathema that Earl the tortoise had become, while the other group quickly dug their fellow baboon Papagoya out of the citrus debacle. As Papagoya was still partially trapped under the heap, he observed the extreme velocity that the baboons were removing the lemons. Papagoya then uttered his most famous quote: “Wow, what if these lemons were instead of packets of information?!”

After many years of hard work and determination, Papagoya, was at the top of the game. He revolutionized the way that information was sent and received over the internet. He single-handedly augmented the development of the world-wide web, and has won many awards, including the Nobel Prize for Technological Development, the 1998 Baboon Achievement Award, and an Emmy Award for Daytime Television for his role as Baboon #2 on General Hospital. Where is Papagoya now? Papagoya still resides on the Island of Ishbu, where he and his research team of nearly sixty baboons conduct experiments in deep underground lairs. “Sure, the underground factory is sort of austere, but the jubilant work atmosphere created by the young, aspiring baboons really livens the place up!” Papagoya stated in a recent interview. “Papagoya is a very amicable baboon,” said the team leader, Yenahikizaoya, “the kind of baboon that anyone can get along with.” Although the general population considers Papagoya as a trusty role-model, there are still some ambivalent baboons that don’t understand him. “He’s just a weirdo,” said Haeerhahikizaoya about the icon Papagoya. Whether Papagoya is a true genius, or just some strange, random baboon aching for some popularity may never be known. What is known, however, is that agave-nectar-wheat and lemon sandwiches are the hottest thing to hit the shores of Easter Island since the Moai statues.