The Forgotten Baboons

Written by Yenamaboya [feat. Dave]

As we all may know, theLogicFiend was defeated with the surprise strategy from levik, which insured the safety of all baboons except for the first baboon to have to guess the color of his ass [more info coming soon]. That very same hour, about 99.8% of all the baboons came back and made a swift return. However, there were still four baboons unaccounted for. This is their story.

[from left to right: Lakilachoya, Hazahikizaoya, Taeerhachoya]

The three above baboons were the thirstiest of the bunch, so they decided to stop at a water hole. Then it happened. Thirty-five raging protistas flung themselves from the depths, and landed around the three unsuspecting baboons. Their names were John, Bill, Bob, Joe, Dave, Ed, Tom, Andrew, Don, Chris, Dean, Tyler, Brad, Zach, Gus, Willem, Troy, Todd, Ned, Phil, Peter, Paul, Simon, Bart, Matt, Fred, Jeff, Sal, Tony, Waylon, Mike, Scott, Al, George, and Ted. Their names, however, are not important. The fact is that suddenly, a raging elephant named Fiona, who is a communist by the way, tripped over a picadilly left accidentally by a shelless turtle and splashed right into the water hole. The added pressure on the walls of the well deep below from this compression of the water caused a MAJOR sewage backup, resulting the the explosion of several tanks of feces. Protistas, as we all know, cannot resist a feces and ham sandwich. They slaughtered the finest pig in all the land, picked up the feces, and proceeded to chow down on the newly discovered food. This was the break that Lakilachoya, Hazahikizaoya, and Taeerhachoya needed! They slipped away noisily and returned to the group. However, there was no group! Well, there was a group formed from Lakilachoya, Hazahikizaoya, and Taeerhachoya, but that's it. Realizing that they had either been left behind or the other baboons had been eaten by the dreaded Photo Album of Harmonic Resonance, they started to run towards the installation of the main server. However, they were still very thirsty, as they only got approximately 2.385^2 liters of water to drink before the ambush. They knew very well that they could not return to the water hole, with the frantic situation. So, they passed out under a large bush that was previously owned by a Slovakian Leopard, who had moved out three weeks earlier due to the inflation of taxes in the area. After the incorporation of the sewage tanks, whew! The property taxes skyrocketed.

The next day, they arose to the sound of a million chirping conquistadors. Hazahikizaoya turned off the Gentle Sounds of Europe tape, and now, there were only about seven conquistadors heard chirping. "Gee, golly!" Taeerhachoya stated curiously, "Conquistadors sure have a lot of charisma!" Upon hearing this, Mifflin, the deity of Conquistadorian Charisma appeared, and was pleased! "I shall give you many grains of coffee for all of your baboon friends!"

And so, it was done. Refreshed and cracked up on caffiene, Lakilachoya, Hazahikizaoya, and Taeerhachoya returned triumphantly with over fifty pounds of coffee beans. The rest of the baboons were joyous upon seeing this sight! However, some were not as joyous at first..

Yenamaboya: Hello is this dave?
Yenamaboya: This is Yenamaboya.
fooalienboydave: hey, what's up?
Yenamaboya: Hey, nothing much.
Yenamaboya: Papagoya wanted me to tell you that the baboons arrived back safe and sound.
fooalienboydave: oh awesome, i heard
fooalienboydave: sorry about all this.. i shouldve increased security
fooalienboydave: it must have been a frightening experience
Yenamaboya: Yep yep.
Yenamaboya: The thing was.. I got back a few days ago.. but a few straddlers just arrived.
fooalienboydave: oh hmm
fooalienboydave: tell me who
Yenamaboya: Sorry for the inconvenience, they will be scolded with hot protista dung.
fooalienboydave: ill fire those ragamuffins
Yenamaboya: No! Please!
Yenamaboya: I urge you to give them one more chance.
fooalienboydave: oh ok
fooalienboydave: thats the last one
Yenamaboya: After that, I would urge you to give them 0 more chances.
Yenamaboya: They had quite an interesting story, though..
Yenamaboya: Well, I will post it on my nuTang.
fooalienboydave: awesome.. i will tell papagoya to save you as a friend
Yenamaboya: Oh, thank you!
fooalienboydave: and ill nominate you for motm
Yenamaboya: Really? Thank you so much.
fooalienboydave: in return.. all i ask if for you to work your soul out
Yenamaboya: Can i work my ass off? literally?
Yenamaboya: Like.. for minimum wage would be great.. Not like i'm demanding it from you or anything..
fooalienboydave: no!
fooalienboydave: no pay!
fooalienboydave: remember the pact
fooalienboydave: papagoya signed with me
Yenamaboya: Really?!
Yenamaboya: You're willing to pay me nothing at all?
fooalienboydave: yes, very much so
Yenamaboya: God, nuTang really does r0x0R!
fooalienboydave: i kn0
fooalienboydave: im the only snakehead that will not force your family at home to pay me thousands of dollars
Yenamaboya: That's very generous of you.
Yenamaboya: Can't they at least pay you hundreds?
fooalienboydave: ill think about it
Yenamaboya: Okay, cool.
Yenamaboya: I really don't think that would be bad at all.
Yenamaboya: Oh, I must tell you, a conductor filled with battery acid overflowed in a sub-atomic meltdown, due to an incident with a Picalladine Piccadillie..
Yenamaboya: See, what happened was, this turtle got out of its shell, because he was playing strip poker with this nice young pack of protistas..
fooalienboydave: yea rite!!
Yenamaboya: When suddenly, it happened..!
Yenamaboya: They molted and shed their skin, and suddenly, they became these huge, hairy protistas, and boy they had an attitude!
Yenamaboya: So the poker chips, well..
fooalienboydave: dammit, that always happens at the picalladine piccadillie (pp), especially near new years when hungry hippos like to eat molten vegetables with mammalian faces
Yenamaboya: Dude! That's exactly what was happening!
Yenamaboya: See..
Yenamaboya: I'm not sure how to break this to you..
Yenamaboya: But this alligator named Koala fell from this cloud with a huge hammer in his hand.
Yenamaboya: He claimed it was the hammer of the Thousand Spider Clan..
Yenamaboya: But it had the insignia of the Hammer Clan on it.
Yenamaboya: He hit the ground and demanded the poker chips, because he was on his way to Carson City.
fooalienboydave: yea right! i remember once, when my leg was talking to this yellow tree near the red sea, a koala named coco b. ware started pulling shit from a nearby zebras ass, and after 3 long hours of hard work.. he finally found a gold nugget filled with eternal youth.. but under 1 solid condition, that all the german latinos in russia had to take off their backpacks and fill it with peanut butter and strawberry jelly
Yenamaboya: No way!! The way it really happened was the strawberry jelly was not strawberry jelly or even a close sort of marmalade, but indeed it was a tobacco nut, which are rich in fiber but horrible for your spleen.
Yenamaboya: And even more so for any kind of reptilian sap-sucker nearby.
Yenamaboya: Oh, I'm sorry, but I must flee now, it's my shift again. It was nice chatting with you!
fooalienboydave: damn, they say... they being the british babylonians who enslaved the egyptians during the war of the 4-headed vixens... if you eat 3 8-lb tobacco nuts in one year, your spleen will mutate into an 8-arm-pitted giraffe that, quite mysteriously, only has 20 arms.
fooalienboydave: sure, go work hard
Yenamaboya: All this talk of tobacco nuts! Whew, I will try to work my hardest.
Yenamaboya: See you on Mala-Iki [tomorrow].